Thursday, May 29, 2008

this may take some getting used to...

So I’m sitting at the light, to my left is a large weather-beaten tent set up. The big sign with shitty lettering says “AMERICA NEEDS JESUS” and smaller signs advertise “Tent revival meeting at 7pm” and “All are welcome.” I don’t feel welcome but I appreciate the gesture. 

The car next to me is a beat-down and  rusted-out Subaru, the kind I usually would expect to see with some “visualize whirled peas” or some such stickers on. Instead it has a “support our troops” sticker which I can get down with on some levels I suppose. The loud Rush Limbaugh coming from the rolled down windows I cannot.

I am trying so hard to not get angry lately. Compassion and not correction makes things a little easier to live with.

Please don’t doubt my capacity for anger. To my new friends and old enemies and everyone in between I’ve given at the office. I have felt and communicated the purest of hate towards so many people, thoughts and ideas that I felt needed a good Shutting The Fuck Up.

So for now the world will move forward without my guidance and constant corrections. We’ve downgraded from hate to frustration. The imagined good intentions behind my war with the world have been pushed to the fore-front.

If I’ve ever said something nasty to you and you miss it, I’m sure it’s still on file somewhere. I have a lot of years of viciousness to make up for. Unfortunately, I’m approaching this with the same all-or-nothing attitude I’ve lived my life with thus far.

I apologize in advance for any “hippy bullshit” or “faggotry” I am about to commit...

1 comment:

NiKol said...

No apology needed. Nikolstilllovesyou, L8R hippie freak....nah, just fuckin' w/ you.